My Search for the Missing Piece is over!!

Here in Hyderabad, my days as a homemaker always had a rhythm. I’d wake up, get the cooking done, see to the household chores, and make time for my yoga practice. On the surface, it was a good life, a full life. I have a wonderful family, and there were always moments of laughter and fun. But if I’m being completely honest, something was always missing.

Underneath the daily routine, I was restless. I was searching for something, but I didn't even know what it was. It was this quiet, nagging feeling that the person everyone saw—the one who was smiling and running the home—wasn't the real me. I felt unsettled in my own mind, like a house where the furniture was never in the right place. Though I would laugh and have a good time with my family, I always felt this is not me. Deep inside, I was never truly happy.

To fill that void, I tried to learn so many things. A little of this, a little of that. But nothing ever kept me glued. Nothing held my attention for long. I would start with excitement and then, sooner or later, the feeling would fade and I’d be back where I started, searching.

One night, I was doing what I often did back then—just binge-watching videos on YouTube, endlessly scrolling to pass the time. In the middle of all that, an ad popped up for a flute class with Harsh sir. My first thought was not one of excitement. I had tried to learn the flute before. In fact, I had started with five different teachers over the years and had left every single one for one reason or another. I had almost no hope that this would be any different.

But something in me, maybe that last little flicker of hope, made me click. I found myself enrolling for the webinar, and then for the foundation course. I went through the motions and managed to clear the course. I had learned the basics, I could play a little. But that empty feeling inside? It was still there. I remember thinking, "Is this it? Another thing I've done that hasn't changed anything?" I still felt hollow.

Then came the Bangalore retreat. I decided to go, still not knowing what to expect. And that’s where the magic happened. It’s hard to put into words, but being there, surrounded by the music and the people and sir’s presence, felt like something was unlocking inside of me. It was like I had been working on a giant puzzle my whole life, and for years I knew a single piece was missing. At that retreat, I finally found it. The moment it clicked into place, everything made sense. I felt my long search was finally over. For the first time, I felt settled. I knew I was home.

The journey wasn't perfectly smooth, of course. I never felt like quitting, not after finding that missing piece. But the path was filled with its own challenges, most of them inside my own head. There were days I felt depressed, filled with doubt about my own abilities. I would think, "Am I ever going to be good enough?"

The hardest part for me was the jealousy. It’s difficult to admit, but I would watch sir teach and see him appreciate another student, and this painful feeling would rise up in me. I’d think, "He appreciated them, but not me. I’m not good enough. Maybe music just isn't there in me." These were my lower emotions, my own insecurities getting in the way.

I am a person who does a lot of introspection, so I spent a lot of time with these feelings, trying to understand them. I don’t remember the exact day or time, but I remember the exact moment of realization. It was a normal day of practice, but as I was playing, a thought came to me with such clarity: a Guru is a source of energy and knowledge. My only job is to receive that light, that energy. I don't need to see anything else. My journey is just between me and the source.

Once I truly understood that, everything changed. All those lower emotions—the jealousy, the self-doubt, the feeling of not being good enough—they just vanished. They became irrelevant. My focus shifted from myself to the music. Now, when I play, I am just experiencing the pure joy of it. The cleaning I was looking for on the outside happened on the inside.

This shift has changed how I am in my everyday life, too. I've learned to accept people just the way they are, without judgment. Situations that used to bother me or throw me off balance just don't have the same power over me anymore. It’s because my energy and focus finally have a target. Before, my energy was scattered, leaking out in all directions trying to find meaning. Now, it’s all channeled into my music, my practice, my growth.

When I first picked up the flute, I had no emotions. Today, just holding it has become an experience in itself. It’s a part of me. It’s my companion. It’s the tool that helped me find myself. I can see myself getting old with my flute, and that thought brings me a deep sense of peace. My search is over, and I am settled for life now.

— Rekha Jois, Hyderabad